May 27
Everything’s Cool
Time for another installment of Useless Links:
Archive for the ‘General’ Category
May 09
Am I Bringing You Down?
Great, I just remembered that the townhouse complex I live in has a crew that cuts the grass as 8AM IN THE MORNING. Combined with the occurrence of going to bed at 5:30AM with the window open, this does not making me a happy camper. HULK SMASH !!
Since I moved a little over a week ago, my nasal passages have been a nuisance to everyday living. Moving boxes of junk and cleaning out the basement at my old place has displaced enough dust into my lungs that I will be sneezing for years to come. Yum, dead human skin. Did I mention that in that basement we found a shoebox of cat litter with a lone poop in it? In the past four years of friends living there, nobody ever had a cat. I don’t know if the excrement was human-made or not. 
Oh and I blow out a couple litres of mucus every morning. Although when it dries, I get to pick & fling huge-ass boogers! This is my life. Ending one minute at a time.
I need to put something positive in this site for once. DOOM!. Yeah, that’s about all I have…
May 06
The Return of the King
As a follow-up to the legendary post, there has been a spotting!
Session Start : Tue May 03 12:22:18 2005
[12:22] Adam: hey
[12:22] Afterglow: yo
[12:22] Adam: saw andy yesterday
[12:22] Afterglow: for serious?
[12:22] Adam: yup
[12:22] Afterglow: hahaha
[12:23] Afterglow: where!? WHERE!?
[12:23] Adam: was picketing… he was going to this church up the road from my place where they have AA and drug counseling
[12:23] Adam: it was so weird, because he was sober, drinking a coffee
[12:23] Adam: then he talked to a group of people in what appeared to be a normal fashion
[12:24] Afterglow: wow, you didn’t have a camera, did you?
[12:24] Adam: i could have got mine, but i didn’t know how he’d take to me taking his picture
[12:24] Adam: plus he was with a group of AAers
[12:24] Adam: wanted to
[12:25] Adam: i think i was too starstruck
[12:25] Afterglow: if i saw him i would probably start crying and piss myself
[12:25] Adam: if the meetings he’s going to are regular, he’ll be back next Monday
[12:26] Adam: it looked exactly like him.. what clinched it was that he was wearing the black skater bubble shoes
[12:27] Afterglow: the man. the legend.
Session Close: Tue May 03 12:27:54 2005
The next day during another spotting, a camera was to be had! Stay tuned for further developments.
Yesterday, I found a link to Overheard in New York, an absolutely hilarious random site of quips people overhear in the city of scum and villainy. For example: Guy: I’m crazy about her! Every time I go down on her, her pussy tastes like hummus!
Apr 28
Where is the Hope?
Conversational terrorism. Loller.
My lease runs out on Saturday but I still don’t have a place to move to. Shit? In related news, I’m a useless cunter!
Feb 21
The Whacky Adventures of Andy
Sunday, February 13th, 2005. A date marking the rite of passage of a man who may some day soon reach his last wits. A day that on the surface seemed as normal as ever, but unforeseen factors interrupted, making the day sicked and twisted – forcing a man question his very being. He was reminded he was not alone… and this humanity was inescapable.
After a Saturday night of light drinking, I woke up the following morning absent a hangover. I followed the shower and breakfast routine and then returned to the most immediate comfort – the Internet! I gave Frances the Mute another thorough listen and then watched an ancient At the Drive-In bootleg. Perhaps I even Shacked a little. My memory is quite foggy after a week, however this loss really isn’t due to temporal limits of the mind. Those memories were simply eclipsed by objectional happenings of another degree.
At approximately 2PM, while I sat in my basement bedroom, two of my housemates and two other friends were sitting upstairs in the living room, a process locally known as burning out. My house is part of a townhouse complex of 72 units (we live in an end-unit), with most of its population being students aged 19 to 22. While my four friends in their early 20s lounged upstairs, a figure came to the foreground of their peripheral vision. Outside the living room window could be seen a human moving towards our home – through our backyard. Without knocking, grunting, or yelping, this figure opened our back door, walked in, looked at my friends, and made a sound similar to “nyuh”. Without skipping a beat one of my housemates asks, “What’s up, man!?”. Now my other three friends think my housemate knows this person. Maybe he’s an uncle? Another actually asks, “Do you know this guy?”, to which my housemate replied, “Yeah, yeah…” The one who walked in was an older man, perhaps in his 50s or 60s with a flush red face and clearly smelling of alcohol. He took off his jacket and helped himself to a seat. The friend asks my housemate again if he knows the man and this time he tells the truth, “no”. Luckily one of the guys had his digital camera handy, with the resulting conversation now appearing in DivX form:
At the end of the video there’s a mention of someone upstairs… this is another housemate not yet aware of imminent zaniness. Unfortunately the digital camera’s memory ran out, so we were unable to capture his greeting with the drunken man affectionately now known as Andy (or so he said his name was…). He requested some water which he guzzled down at a rate similar to Filthysock’s toyfriend, additionally spilling some on his shirt. Now is the point where the insanity begins. I had finished breakfast in my room and decided to ascend from my den of iniquity to place my dirty dishes in the kitchen. Before I give a URL to this shocking and amazing video, I want you to pay special attention to a couple features involving our dear friend Andy.
1) He has likely been drinking alcohol often over the past 24 hours.
2) He just drank two glasses of water.
3) My apprehension walking upstairs to see him sitting in my living room. I give a timid, “Hi…”, hammering away a thought process to derive why this man was within 10 feet of me. My friends were obviously getting a kick out of this. I may have attained a certain level of paralysis as the decreasing distance between our two masses increased the gravity of the situation. A simple handshake turned into something else. Something… something that plays back in my mind over and over.
4) Look at the dampness of his pants.
We took pictures:
andy1.jpg, I’ll be sure to send my family this one.
andy2.jpg Clear cut evidence. Look. Guffaw.
What makes this even more horrible is that nobody realized the truth at the time! After the incident, we carefully analyzed the digital footage, mostly for a laugh, but what we uncovered was a wicked ordeal no man should ever encounter. Like unpeeling a banana, the indisputable truth underneath the surface was uncovered – that’s right ladies and gentlemen, A GROWN MAN FUCKING PISSED ON ME. He pissed his fucking pants!
We realized now was the time to rid our dear safe haven of this menace. How do you remove a drunk from your presence? That much is obvious:
I just love how my housemate said, “If you’re ever in the area…”. Yeah, we lock our doors now. So yes, he left, we watched the video, I realized he pissed himself hugging me. I guess I have that certain je ne sais pas. Ugh. Now can you imagine if this guy walked into another unit in our complex? Maybe one housed by all girls? I guess being Canadian boys, we just played along to the whole ridiculous situation, but if he approached other people, the conclusion would have likely been vastly different.
Oh dear god.
Jan 13
Sarah Silverman is Hotness + Dumb and Dumberer Breakdown
Oops, I haven’t updated in exactly 2 months. Well I guess it didn’t help that Alkali went down so there was no domain to visit. So everyone’s favourite Chinese-American gave me some web space and for the first time arioch I setup a proper script to update with. I’m finally out of my 1996 method of manually writing the HTML and uploading through FTP when I wished to add to my journal. I still have to figure out an easy way to import all my updates dating back to 2000. I really don’t think adding each post manually and then backdating individually them would be worth the effort.
I guess I can start with my whereabouts of last semester. I started with five courses and ended with three. BSc in out of the picture and BA is back in! My marks were as follows:
| Course Number: | Course Name: | Final Mark: |
|---|---|---|
| CIS*4400 | Distributed Information Systems | 80 |
| PHIL*2110 | Elementary Symbolic Logic | 81 |
| BIO*1030 | Biology I | 52 |
Yes, the above table indicates that I almost failed first year biology. On the final exam I didn’t know anything when it came to the last couple weeks in the course so in the short answer section I was filling in the answer spaces with quotes from The Simpson’s and pleads for the marker to pass me. If I make them laugh maybe they’ll love me.
I flew back to NS in late December, did the family thing, spent way too much time on holidays as usual (I didn’t fly back until Jan. 9th). I also had to suffer the wrath of dial-up Internet. *shakes fist*
During that time I managed to read No Logo and in my opinion, a quarter of its length should have been cut. There was so much repetition and tangents that lead nowhere that sometimes reading was frustrating. Why didn’t she put the case studies on Nike, McDonald’s, etc. at the start of the book so you don’t have to read the same examples hundreds of times in other chapters? It was a decent read although the culture presented in the last half or so of the book is pretty much irrelevant in 2004. 
I also started reading Nineteen Eighty-Four but I only got about 1/3 way through it on my plane ride back. The only other Orwell I’ve read was Animal Farm in grade 10 (11?) English class where I disliked it simply out of principle that it was forced on you along with the interpretations the teacher would dictate to his humble servants students.
While I was home I really had nothing to do except watching really poor movies on satellite TV. Amongst the trash was Dumb and Dumberer. Sweet Jesus, I think my hatred for Hollywood’s teet sucking ways has increased ten-fold. While the two main actors played the characters well, the writing was abysmal. Most of the jokes were stolen directly from the original with a very small fraction of the funny included. These moments I’ll spoil below:
-
Original: Lloyd and Harry play tag in the van resulting in “The Gas Man” yelling, “GUYS! GUYS!”.
Sequel: Lloyd’s dream sequence where Harry’s mother and the token hot chick in the movie are squabbling over Lloyd until here interrupts with, “GIRLS! GIRLS!” -
Original: Lloyd and Harry play tag in the van resulting in “The Gas Man” interrupting.
Sequel: Lloyd and Harry play tag in a convenience store until the clerk interrupts. -
Original: Lloyd has a sexual fantasy dream sequence about Mary “Sampsonite”.
Sequel: Lloyd has a sexual fantasy dream sequence about a bunch of chicks in bikinis. -
Original: Harry has a bathroom scene where he evacuates every ounce of waste in his body.
Sequel: Harry has a bathroom scene where a melted chocolate bar ends up getting spread all over himself and the walls. This was actually the only part of the movie I laughed at – where Bob Saget walks in yelling, “There’s shit EVERYWHERE!“. But the source of the humour was already done in Half-Baked.Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that’s an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?
It’s only funny because the quote is coming out of Bob Saget’s mouth!
-
Original: Harry exclaims, “Check out the ass on that!” to which Lloyd quips, “yeah, he must work out”.
Sequel: Harry exclaims, “I can’t she’s wearing those [short and tight] shorts” to which Lloyd quips, “yeah, last time I wore shorts like that I got beat up”. -
Original: “Funny” vehicle: moped.
Sequel: “Funny” vehicle: short bus. -
Original: Lloyd and Harry have a falling out and Lloyd trades the van in for a moped to which Harry has a diatribe on the stupidity of his actions, finalizing his rant with, “… and completely redeeming yourself!”.
Sequel: Lloyd and Harry have a falling out and Lloyd steals a polar bear Harry enjoyed at a local museum, bring it to his house where the same fucking situation happens.
The list of “more than just similarities” continues. Avoid this shite at all costs. In happier news, I watched Garden State and Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle yesterday both get my thumbs up. Well worth a rental.
In other entertainment, the new season of Jack Bauer Power Hour has started and yet again I’m glued to my monitor television set for every episode. During the holidays I also watched some re-runs of Lost so now I have two television shows I actually watch. Although I don’t know how many times they can milk the scene of somebody walking alone in the woods to hear some noise outside their field-of-vision. Oh, my sister and her husband also bought me season two of The Office on DVD. I’ve already seen many of the episodes but its absolutely worth owning it – just for the “mix of Flashdance and MC Hammer”. Mr. Toad!
In early January Canada also won gold at the World Junior Hockey Championships. So being Canadian, I have to cheer… and stuff. In related yet complete unrelated news, my intramural hockey team also played and won our first game of the semester Tuesday with a 6-2 score. I likely played my worst game in months because I had to play defense with the absence of our best defenseman (and player) that isn’t playing semester. It’s also possible I’ll be stuck on defense for the rest of the semester because nobody else wants to go back AND some our worst skaters are already on D, which won’t bode well once we start playing well-skating teams… like who we’re playing next week. I believe they beat us 8-1 three months ago.
In music news, I Mother Earth‘s vocalist Brian Byrne now has demos of his solo material online. It’s “country-ish” but I’m really enjoying some of the tunes, especially “Arizona”. I believe he’s still shopping it around to record labels and plays the odd show in Ontario. I’m going to make an update later about my most listened to albums of 2004, but I don’t feel like compiling that at the moment. I’ll just procrastinate like I do about everything else. For instance, I’ve been meaning to switch university programs for 4 years now yet it still hasn’t been done…
Oct 13
There Be No Honey Here
My intramural hockey team’s record is now 0-4. In chronological order, we’ve lost 3-2, 5-3, 8-1, and 6-0. It didn’t help that we’d been rolling three lines for the first three games and then for the fourth there was only eight of us. We held our own for the first period but by the end of the game our legs fell out and the opposing team pulled away. I’m also still not fully comfortable on the ice. i.e., seeing possible plays and being able to stick handle around guys. I used to be a hot dog back in pee-wee so I thought playing in a non-contact league now would be no problem. I guess I’ll just have to practice a bit more, maybe play some rec hockey on Tues/Thurs afternoon.
But wait! I’m behind in two out of my five classes, chemistry and calculus. I know my GPA this semester will be a disaster (distributed systems and symbolic logic should somewhat even it out), but my overall GPA won’t be affected much at all since I’ve already taken so many classes. Score!
I’m enjoying how most of the hits I get to this site are people searching Google for “cunt” or “hymen”. But no, they just get the journal of a plain white boy. Maybe you people should buy some British medical texts.
New Juno Reactor is very good. Download it! Buy it!
Jul 12
Down the Sidewalk
I finally finished Sartre’s Nausea today. Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness and dies by chance. Now excuse me while I cut my wrists.
Just kidding! I got sunburned today and um… I’ve been Doom mapping again. Ah yes – I’m still unemployed. But I got my student loan in the mail so now the only issue is making September rent and having enough food money for the next two months.
Feb 07
Cues and Damnation
Last night I went out drinking at Pablo’s and I think I’m getting worse at pool.
… and now for something completely different!
Feb 02
PC Specs
- AMD Duron 1ghz
- PC133 SDRAM 384mb 168pin (Generic Memory 256mb + 128mb stick I had laying around)
- AOC 17″ monitor, 1280×1024 max
- AOpen GeForce2 TI 64mb DDR
- ASUS CDRW 16x/10x/40x
- Maxtor D740x-6l 40gb
- Creative Soundblaster Live! DE 5.1
- Global Win WBK68 SocketA Cooler Ball Bearing 3 Pin
- ASUS A7V1330C ATX SocketA
- NCI 18in 300W ATX 802k case
- Logitech Optical Wheel Mouse USB/PS/2
- D-Link DFE-530TX
The rest of the hardware I salvaged from the P100 including the keyboard which is still damn good. I’m running XP Professional. Yarr, of course.
A nice touch to this machine is the small sound system I got… had a noise complaint from someone in the building the day I installed it. 
