Why not ring in the New Year with a post on the upcoming remake of Wes Craven’s Last House on the Left? From the trailer (which tells the whole story, of course), you can gleam, “Rated R for sadistic brutal violence including a rape and disturbing images, language, nudity and some drug use.” Fascinating. Sounds like a must-watch.

The 1972 original contained amateur directing and stilted acting over a simple story of some parental units getting revenge for their daughter’s murderer. It had a realistic rape scene set to a happy hippie song, that I think was supposed to be funny? You always hear those IMDB clichés of “worst movie ever” but it really was at the bottom rung of the horror genre. But damn, Hostel, Saw, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre reboot made bank so let’s keep this torture porn train going!

The movie does pick up Deadwood/Assassination of Jesse James talent and John Murphy created the soundtrack, so there are some details to put it in a positive light. But still, you could always just watch Bergman’s The Virgin Spring.

If you want the best recent revenge flick with satisfying action, catch Taken, which opens in North America later in the month even though it’s already out on DVD in Europe. Good job dropping the ball on this one, Fox. You just know Universal’s Last House will make profit and the cycle will continue. But Liam Neeson can save us:

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

YES.