Hey, Jeremy Accardo, why don’t you throw a splitter? You know, instead of grooving 95mph fastballs one-after-another that professional batters can quickly adjust their timing to? Your split-fingered fastball is what made you an effective closer last year. Don’t forget your past. I know you’re reading, baby! Blogosphere.

However, it really isn’t comforting to know The Beej is back a year removed from Tommy John surgery when he doesn’t even seem to be topping 90mph yet. Oh, attaching yourself to a sporting event based on arbitrary geography! At least one nice part about the Internet is knowing there’s a Jays fan site that’s probably the best out of any Major League Baseball team. There’s a certain je ne sais pas that’s created when you combine self-aware misogyny, bigotry, and general hatefulness with excessive alcohol. I fully support a “Fuck the Wave” movement.

Since I’m a Canadian imbecile, don’t I have to make an obligatory reference to hockey? Well I, for one, look forward to our Les Habitants overlords.