Need For Speed: Porsche Unleashed
Bumper view all up in your grill.

EA Games has turned the NFS series into a 2 Fast 2 Furious-inspired mess focused on a desire for the New American Dream. Import ricers and the glorification of illegal ghetto culture. Great focus group-sourced market research, basditos. Beforehand there was Porsche Unleashed. This game exemplifies the history, class, and integrity of a Porsche, which I guess is too vanilla for kids these days.

First off, you must download a Windows 2000/XP patch to emulate Windows 95/98 memory management since the UI runs at 5FPS without. I have no clue if this works in Vista but I’m putting my money on bloody unlikely.

The nice part about these early games in the series are car controls that don’t give off the effect of floating on ice. In response to directional input, you see tilt caused by momentum shifts. Making turns, the distributed weight of your vehicle feels natural.

Like all Need For Speed games, base gameplay pits you against computerized or networked opponents, getting from one point A to B in a rural or urban area. In this release, all locales are European. Given this game came out in 2000, its graphics show their age. But I didn’t find much difference from 2002’s Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit 2. The only real visual glitches are repeating terrain textures and skymap exposure along clipped forest borders.

The game uses a factory/tournament mode to unlock tracks and Porsche models along the journey. First two rounds of tournaments are hella easy, but after that I couldn’t even get third place in any race. Even when my car model and horsepower were the same the AI was using. It may causing by choosing an automatic transmission so going stick must open up better acceleration. But that’s unsmiley face. I was never a fan of manual in video games as I like my diet entertainment. So after this point, I uninstalled the game and went back to twiddling my thumbs.

This post is less a review and more a recollection of my incompetence. Blog.