A Straight Shooter

“Let’s take this offline for further discussion. We just don’t have the bandwidth to address that here. Besides, best practices dictate that we stay client-centric and focus on our core competencies on a going-forward basis using a holistic approach while still tending to our ROI and best-of-breed reputation. Once we get to the next level, we can touch base, move on from the low-hanging fruit and address issues such as sustainability, rightshoring, and management visibility.”

- Do_Or_Die

Tag

The Game Informer reveal of Portal 2 details led to speculation that new gameplay elements will follow the same path as Digipen student project Narbacular Drop (which the original Portal was inspired by). Colour me as again missing the boat, but the 2008 release of Tag (~50mb download) passed me by. It was a first-person puzzle platformer with a goal to simply navigate through levels. It’s really a tech demo, but its possibilities really highlight how to improve Portal’s mechanics… and it just so happens its creators may now be under Valve’s employ.

The fun core of the game is manipulating surfaces through use of a paintball gun to allow jumping, speeding up your running speed, and allowing you to pull off a gravity-defying walks on any surface (like Prey’s ceiling-traversal). The open-air urban setting (used due to the jumping component) recalls Mirror’s Edge environments but with monochrome, texture-free geometry combined with a graffiti aesthetic. Check it out if you want to see what Portal 2 may play like at year’s end.

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They Saw Her Dirty Pillows

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Retribution Gospel Choir – 2

I can’t help but compare RGC’s new album 2 with recent Constantines, “Workin’ Hard” vs. “Working Full-Time” aside. They’ve extended past the Low covers found on their debut, going for more bombast with a few sonic twists like an ever-present banjo in “White Wolf”. There’s some noisy blues rock going on with snappy hooks in “Hide It Away” (above) and “Workin’ Hard” along with a few Low-isms, like the outro vocal harmonies of “Poor Man’s Daughter”. An under 34 minute runtime with eight “real” songs is more EP length but it feels just right with the variations in song duration and tempo. Besides, you get to hear Alan Sparhawk rock the fuck out with his unique voice; a bit more tender than the life-weariness of Constantines’ Bryan Webb.

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Get Excited… Lost!

In two days, the final season of Lost will be launched and we’ll find out if the brilliant trip so far isn’t all a ruse. It’s the journey that counts, right? Well the story is complex enough that it may be necessary to play catch-up on all the interpersonal connections and heavy allegory alluded to in the first five seasons. The New York Times put a Lost timeline together, including short video clips and commentary from the show’s producers.

For a more detailed breakdown on the characters, if you have the patience, sit through this bad song:

Then relive the plane crash from different perspectives (including its cause), 24-style.

Of course…

Final Season Of ‘Lost’ Promises To Make Fans More Annoying Than Ever

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Relative Time in JavaScript

There are plenty of robust JavaScript libraries out there for handling timestamps, but I came across a situation where I needed a lightweight solution to represent dates returned from a JSON request that meaningfully indicate the proximity to an expiration. Something to the effect of, “Feb 3, 2010 (in 5 days)”, or, “Jan 1, 2010 (30 days ago)”. This implementation doesn’t handle language localization or customized messages like optionally breaking down to also include years or decades. But it does contain nested ugliness with magic numbers ahoy. I didn’t say it was elegant; just lightweight (see: took less than 10 minutes to create, even with clever pluralization of the time’s unit!)

 
/**
 * Get a string describing the difference between two timestamps.
 *
 * @var time Date object to retrieve relative description string of
 *
 * @return string indicating how far in the past or future the date is
 */
function getTimeDiff(time)
{
 
	var now = new Date();
	var diff = now.getTime() - time.getTime();
 
	var timeDiff = getTimeDiffDescription(diff, 'day', 86400000);
	if (!timeDiff) {
		timeDiff = getTimeDiffDescription(diff, 'hour', 3600000);
		if (!timeDiff) {
			timeDiff = getTimeDiffDescription(diff, 'minute', 60000);
			if (!timeDiff) {
				timeDiff = getTimeDiffDescription(diff, 'second', 60);
				if (!timeDiff) {
					timeDiff = 'just now';
				}
			}
		}
	}
 
	return timeDiff;
 
}
 
/**
 * Get a string describing the difference between two timestamps,
 * based on unit of time. Run sequentially starting from the greatest
 * unit and stopping once this function doesn't return null.
 *
 * @var diff current time (in millisec since 1970) minus time to compare to.
 *           e.g., (new DateTime()).getTime() - someOtherTime.getTime()
 * @var unit Time description to place in a string. e.g., 'hour'
 * @var timeDivisor Number to divide into milliseconds to get the value
 *                  described by the unit. e.g., 60*60*1000 for 'hour'
 *
 * @return A string representing the difference between the given time
 *         and now, if there is a difference for the given unit of time.
 *         null is returned if they're the same (e.g., provided time falls
 *         on today when unit = 'day')
 */
function getTimeDiffDescription(diff, unit, timeDivisor)
{
 
	var unitAmount = (diff / timeDivisor).toFixed(0);
	if (unitAmount > 0) {
		return unitAmount + ' ' + unit + (unitAmount == 1 ? '': 's') + ' ago';
	} else if (unitAmount < 0) {
		return 'in ' + Math.abs(unitAmount) + ' ' + unit + (unitAmount == 1 ? '' : 's');
	} else {
		return null;
	}
 
}

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Putting Off Procastination

I had this video loaded for three nights until finally completing all 76 minutes. Such is my life. Lazy list view:

• If you work on a computer, always have a second monitor. Within a month, productivity increases pass the cost of a < $200 screen which is why I never understood my past employers forcing a single setup on me, even if it’s a 22″ widescreen.
• I can say many of my university essays back in the day fell into quadrant 3 under “due soon” and “not important”. Damned relative values always get in the way, but I maintained my honours average!
• The current reality of customer service: “Your call is extremely important to us. Watch while my actions are cognitively dissonant from my words.”
• “When you have a meeting, lock the door, unplug the phone, and take everyone’s Blackberries.” Highlights the reason projects using a SCRUM methodology has daily meetings less than 15 minutes while standing up.
• And WTF to the camera staying on the blond at ~1:06:15 for what felt like 30 seconds.

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Wherein I Blog About Denim

I’ve come across many quickly deteriorating consumer products, such as headphone-jack-frayed iAudio 8805 Metallic Earphones (+two pairs of iPod earbuds but their low quality were a given) and the odd Old Navy wardrobe-filler purchase, but I really didn’t expect to spend almost $100 on a pair of denim jeans that wouldn’t even last me 6 months.

I was just doing some weekend cleaning and came across a pair of Lucky Brand vintage straight (style# 7M10130, cut# 101876 08 F) I purchased in late 2008. Even though they were the most comfortable fit I’ve tried, I had to retire them in spring of last year after they developed massive holes you see above. They’re pre-distressed to attain the design’s vintage look, so that does weaken the garment. However I didn’t exactly wear these every day while rotating on a slab of sandpaper. I’m the type of guy that is reluctant to wash denim, only throwing it in the laundry after a spill or particularly sweaty day out. So I definitely took good care of the jeans before a small hole appeared and decided to go viral.

It’s too bad I couldn’t follow @LuckyBrand tips on #denim_care:

#denim_care To prevent growth of a hole in your jeans, try painting the edge of the hole, (just after the fray), with clear nail polish

Many men would love to claim they have brass balls, but there’s no way their potential abrasion could explain the crotch’s rapid widening. My trust in the brand’s product and lack of manicure tools proved to be my downfall. Even when not purchasing from a store’s clearance section, sometimes the best solution is to try more brands and hope more durable items can stick in your rotation.

My (cheaper) Levis 511 skinny jeans are still going strong.

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Moderat – Rusty Nails

Dubstep is still a fad but this track is great.

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Hey Rosetta! – Red Song

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The Prisoner

After reading a bit of revisionist hype for Patrick McGoohan’ UK series The Prisoner, I decided to finally watch one of the main inspirations for Lost. Beware, for there will be spoilers. The introduction credits shown before (almost) every episode lay out the main character’s plight. He’s trapped in The Village, assigned the name No. 6. Leaders of The Village (specifically the shifting character No. 2) are trying to dissect why No. 6 resigned from his post for an intelligence organization.

No. 6’s questions are: Who is #1? Why am I here?

Comparisons to Lost can definitely be made, such as protagonists trapped in a geographic area (island vs. The Village), tracked by an omniscient object (smoke monster vs. Rover), and brainwashing of citizens by leaders (Dharma vs. unnamed Village hierarchy). The Prisoner doesn’t have quite the same character development, with episodes having a one-off feeling. Hell, most characters of the No. moniker have a changed actor every week.

Most of the early stories involve No. 6 finding limitations in The Village’s universe, in how he communicates with fellow citizens or attempts to escape the sea and mountain-locked villa. The series’ arc really doesn’t pick up in the last 4 of 17 episodes. The show was originally supposed to be 7 episodes but the producer forced 17 to sell the American airing rights to the US. They knew the show itself would be cancelled by the time these last episodes were written, so maybe that gave the proper motivation to wrap things up rather than milk the premise (say hello to the philosophy of American television).

While the show had multiple sci-fi themes, these final episodes really do fall into a downward spiral of psychedelic madness. Minds are swapped between bodies (“Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling”), No. 6 is forced into dreams set in an episode-long Western (“Living in Harmony”), a Sherlock Holmes/Bond chase of a mad villain (“The Girl Who Was Death”), a hypnosis sound stage theatre set (“Once Upon a Time”), and the most bizarre trial I’ve seen aired on television (“Fallout”). The only way to describe the storytelling in these is surreal.

It all finally does get around to unveiling who lay behind the curtain and it ain’t conventional. The Hungian reveal of No. 1 (that wasn’t the silent dwarf butler after all) really set in stone the classic psychological nature of the The Prisoner’s writing. The opening credit’s quote, “I am not a number, I’m a free man!” and protagonist-also-as-antagonist expose themes of an individual’s freewill vs. unavoidable state hegemony. You can even fit in Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey arc of a character coming to terms with his subconscious and his resulting transformed enlightened and peaceful mindset.

That isn’t to say the series didn’t have issues. I found the tone to be a bit off in scenes, especially near the end. The soundtrack was mostly playful and silly, with nursery rhymes like “Pop Goes the Weasel” and “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow” used to to represent The Village’s innocence. A theme of a single discordant electric guitar was used in scenes of distress or tension. Then there’s the finale, which is an uneven set of scenes themed by “Dem Bones” and The Beatles’ “All You Need is Love”.

Not to mention the outdated hand-to-hand combat and trampoline fights (!!!) being good for a laugh.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Wherein I Reblog Pitchfork Content

I’m digging Portishead’s transition to krautrock with haunting vocals, as motivated by producer Geoff Barrow’s newfound inspiration in the past few years. This is their new song, “Chase the Tear”, released to raise funds for Amnesty International.

Pitchfork seems to praise Xenophanes by prolific producer Omar A. Rodriguez-López but then slams down a 5.7/10 and pretty much claims, “It’s not fucking At the Drive-In”. I realize they have their hate on for The Mars Volta (which even the review recognizes) but that rating is bogus when Dirty Projectors get a 9.2. Suck on my cultural relativism.

So offset the hate-train, Thee Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra have a preview of new song “Bury 3 Dynamos”, complimented by a hilarious faux FAQ. They seem to be working more toward heavy blues-inspired rock.

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It’s the 16th Anniversary

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The Unwinding Hours

The Pop Cop’s Music Alliance Pact last month posted a new song from Scottish band The Unwinding Hours. Their name is still unrecognized since they’ve yet to play live or released an album. They will soon be known since they were formed by two members of Glasgow greats Aereogramme, whom disbanded two years ago.

Their self-titled album isn’t set to be released until February 5th, 2010 on Chemikal Underground, but they’ve made the song “Knut” available as an advanced preview. You’ll find repeating falsetto vocals, delay-pedal guitar, pounding drums, tension-filled piano, and an escalating string arrangement reminiscent of the build up in Sigur Rós’ “Ára bátur”. I see it as a less pop-oriented My Heart Has a Wish That You Would Not Go (which was one of my top 2007 albums), although this song will be the album opener, so perhaps the post-rock calculation will lead into more conventional songwriting. Either way, it’s worth looking forward to!

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Jimmy Carr Telling Jokes

I haven’t really paid much attention to British stand-up aside from Eddie Izzard’s now classic shows (e.g., Death Star canteen) and Ricky Gervais’ recent release, but I can now say Jimmy Carr is in the picture. He just released a live DVD only available in the UK which seems to be edited down from a longer show.

On the surface, there are those clichéd dad puns (“stationary store moves”, “dwarf shortage”), a sequence of your-mom-is-so-fat one-liners, and the typical comedian response to jeering, “I don’t come to your work and knock the sailor cocks out of your mouth”. He also takes a cue from Demetri Martin with a section of wordplay, complete with diagrams.

But he really shines in going the South Park route of over-the-top tongue-in-cheek offensiveness, but it’s completed by crowd participation. It’s obvious only the best interactions were included where he uses wit and charisma to mock the audience while keeping them along with him. The 90 minute runtime might wear down the conservative with a constant barrage of gags involving rape, pedophilia, sexual dysfunction, mockery of the mentally disabled (see above), and misogyny, amongst other sunny themes. In the encore, Jimmy attempts to offend as many people in the audience with a series of escalating jokes, so of course the Holocaust is busted out. It’s a gas.

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Hey Rosetta! Crowd Etiquette

As an energetic indie band’s popularity increases, its crowds push toward a threshold teetering between mutually respectful enjoyment of the art and selfish obnoxious behaviour that ruins the crowd’s experience. Appropriately-timed polite claps transition to bro chants and shrill woo girls. Before Hey Rosetta! went on last night, the Horseshoe’s 62nd anniversary introduction naming-checked past performances by many beloved artists. It ended with a (quite funny) Nickelback drop that led to much jeering, but ensuing meatheadism for the headliner was not that far off from cock-rock’s worst.

So what shouldn’t you do as a crowd participant?

1. If the front is packed shoulder-to-shoulder (considering the Horseshoe’s poor sight-lines), don’t reach back to pull three of your friends in. Especially halfway through the set.
2. Don’t get so drunk you’re falling backward over your heels into strangers. Go lean against a wall.
3. If you are 6′3″ and 200lbs+, do not push yourself through a much smaller crowd, awkwardly clapping, throwing your arm around people, and generally making yourself a fool. Then elbow me in the nose without saying sorry. Dude in the Arkell’s hoodie, you’re a jerk.
4. Don’t makeout with your partner during an anthem with everyone jumping around you. Especially when she’s ugly.
5. During solo piano ballads, do not:
   1. Pump your first in the air.
   2. Take the opportunity to fill the singer’s dramatic silence with “HEY RO-SET-TA” or “YEAHHHHHH!”. They are not playing a cover of The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again”.
   3. Talk loudly to your drunk friends (“THEY’RE SO GOOOOOD”). You can save that until after the encore.

I’m not alone on this (even if she’s talking about the Friday show). In the same spirit, I can reference to Future of the Left’s live album Last Night I Saved Her From Vampires, which is completed by hilarious between-song banter such as bassist Kelson Mathias’ bit on “Dancing Etiquette”.

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I’m not saying the crowd should silently stand still with arms to their side at all times, but there comes a point where extreme extrovert behaviour is souring the performance’s mood. Show the love, respect your fellow fan, and stop acting like such a cunt.

Now the band itself? Awesome, as always. It’s my 4th time seeing them live, the first being more than two years ago at my fav Guelph dive bar, Jimmy Jazz (which never charged cover). For this show, I managed to score a ticket giveaway through the band’s web site (it sometimes pays to join Facebook Pages), but my guest +1 went wasted as friends were either seeing Phoenix at Sound Academy or couldn’t break other social plans with 5 days notice. Which is a shame because I’ve been trying to get as many friends into them as possible since Hey Rosetta’s success so far has been through word of mouth, which led to a nomination for Canada’s Polaris Music Price.

I did notice leader Tim Baker was tentative on his vocals before he admitted to recovering after the previous night’s two-encore set. Romesh’s “Gotta Have More Cowbell”-like tambourine performance more than made up for it! Their set with a solid balance between deliberate and accelerated songs off their past two releases, Plan Your Escape and Into Your Lungs…, along with playing more than half of their (still unrecorded?) upcoming album. This included the Gros Morne tribute for CBC Radio’s Great Canada SongQuest, “Old Crow Black Night Stand Still”, which I quite liked for its diverse movements.

The past three times I’ve seem them, Hey Rosetta! has packed the Horseshoe Tavern and Lee’s Palace, so hopefully next time they’ll move on to a larger venue with room to breathe. They’ll be at MTV Live on Monday, which I’ll be attending so feel free to come along, punch me in the face, and yell, “WOO!”

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